Shower War Zone

So let me set the mood for you!!

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SHOWER time!! Oh yeah, you know the time. It is SHOWER time. Most woman's favorite time of the day. The time that you get to step into a room, close the door to the outside world and soak in some yummy aroma from Bath and Body Works to try and lift the day away. There are days that you NEED that shower more than others. Not because you are dirtier than the day before but because the events of the day have weighed you down and wore you out more than the day before. Because you need that steam from the hot hot shower to wash away all the demands from work, home, bills, the kid's school, ex's, the car maintenance that is needed, the yard that has to be mowed, the dishes that you cannot seem to keep clean and the damn laundry that I swear is breeding as we speak in the laundry hamper. The only thing that seems to make all those things manageable is the joy of knowing at some point during that day you get to hide behind that curtain and let the warm water run down your face and soak your hair! For us ladies, our showers seem to take longer because we have the wonderful added chore of shaving. You can go ahead and add it to the list of things we have to get done for the day. It is a nuisance but dealable because we get to do it in the shower! :) Ahhhh! The warm, hot steamy shower. Some of my lady friends have even been smart enough to buy the detachable massaging shower heads. Hmmmmm. Could someone add that to my Christmas list?? Hmmmmm. Oh, yeah back to shaving. The wonderful task of shaving. So, here you are in your warm hot steamy shower. Did I mention it was warm, hot and steamy? Anywho, you have your razor? CHECK! You have your shaving gel (or if you are out, you have your soap, shower gel, shampoo or any other sudsy substance?) CHECK! So, you are ready to go. Now....here comes the fun part. How on earth do you get situated in the shower so that you can sud your legs and keep them sudded (forseriously, is that a word?) while the water is running. Somehow you manage to concoct and contort your legs, arms and back in such a manner that your left arm is blocking the shower water (warm, hot and steamy) while your right leg is propped on slippery shower wall and you are balancing on your left foot. Ladies, you know this position all so well. If you do some research on Yoga you will find that this is where Yoga was first created. By a women who was placed in a teany tiny shower and desperately needed to shave her legs. Ok, ok, sorry I left you standing there on one foot........where were we? So, you got it? You ready to start shaving now? So, go ahead and apply the shaving gel to that right leg. Great, you got it sprayed on the leg. Oh shit. Uhhh! Ok, here is the part where you realize you cannot reach any where to put the damn shower gel down so you strategically drop the gel in the bottom of the shower where it can hopefully be collected quickly if needed AND without hitting your left foot which is right now holding the weight of your whole body and has started turning some odd blue purplish color. So, got your razor? Lets start. Most women start at their ankles and work their way up. Nice and easy, nice and slow and easy. Looking good. Feeling better and not so much like the Bigfoot's sister. Now we get to the difficult part. The damn boney knee! This one takes concentration and some angling skills. You almost got it though. Real close and then all of a sudden you hear......................................................MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

The bathroom door comes flying open slamming into the wall. Both kids come running in screaming about the other calling them a dookie face. Your razor slips and puts about a half inch gauge in your knee. You scream! Your left foot goes flying out from under you. Your right leg is now up in the air pointing directly at the ceiling. Can you see this in slow mo? Your hands grab the shower curtain as if that rod could seriously hold all your body weight. Your left hand is desperately searching for something, please god something to cling to but unfortunately it slips off everything it is grabbing. Your head barely misses the shower faucet, oh thank goodness, there is a god!!! Right? Well, remember the shower gel you dropped a little earlier? Oh yeah! The wonderful triple action moisturizing for sensitive skin with a wonderful coconut smell and a pretty pretty pink color? Well, you land nicely on it with your bum!!! The shower curtain rod breaks.....and of course lands on your head. The shower is still running. Your knee is bleeding. You have little birds flying around your head chirping and the kids are wrestling at the bathroom door because one of them looked at the other one wrong. You hear the baby wake up and start screaming from the bedroom and guess what. You have one leg shaved and the other one still hairy!!

Hmmmm.....shower time! It has a different meaning these days as a single mom. It has gone from a wonderful relaxing escape from the world to a war zone where you have to use a 2 in 1 shampoo because there is no time for both shampooing and conditioning, while you are brushing your teeth (multitasking!!!), sometimes the 2 in 1 shampoo doubles as a body wash as well, all in the five minutes of luke warm water that the children left you after their bath. As for shaving the legs? Well, to be honest. You are a single mother of three kids. Maybe hairy legs would do you some good. Maybe hairy legs will assure you not to be a single mom of four kids. Maybe you should have never started shaving in the first place!