I REST MY CASE!

This could be completely inappropriate and is likely to be more of a b-i-t-c-h fest than anything. Just bear with me people. If vulgar language or demeaning terminology bothers you then you might want to turn your head (Mother) or put on earmuffs. These types of blogs are the ones that earned me the name HellCat. To all my friends who have been following my outbursts of randomness on Myspace, this rant should feel like home. To those who are just meeting me, welcome to your first Spaz Cat moment. As I mentioned in my “About me”, I am in no way proper, traditional or modest about life or my opinions. I find myself blogging a lot of times to keep from voicing these inappropriate and harsh opinions to the powers that be who sign my paycheck, write me the speeding tickets or put together my burger at McDonald as to keep from having spit in my food. Anyhow, I cannot guarantee that I am always going to be polite or use my inside voice on this or blogs to come. So on to what has really just P-O-ed me today.

I just feel like sometimes in my line of work (I am a paralegal) the only reason that cases go round and round, hundreds of trees are killed and millions of dollars are billed out for case defense is because two attorneys (typically males) have decided to get in a sword match with their penis. Unfortunately in today’s society with the wonderful medications of Viagra, these sword matches can go on forever until they forget what the case was originally over in the first place. If you happen to have a male leading the defense on one end and a female leading the case on the other side than the female seems to strap hers on and continue the case prosthetically (yes I invented that word). It blows my mind the money spent to defend a case which should only pay out a few thousand dollars in damages and the insured spends triple that to defend the case and then still have to pay out the damages! Come on people. Relax some. Maybe we need to start slipping xanax in the attorney’s coffee during mediation and trial. Or just maybe we should hire someone to blow bong hits through the ventilation into a mediation room to calm some of these freaking over driven, coffee for blood, never settle, die hard freaks DOWN!

We need more Keanu Reeves styled attorneys. “Yeah Dude, Whooooaaa! We were totally bogus when completing that retaining wall and caused that gnarly landslide which wiped out your Rad house completely. BUMMER! For sure we should pay to rebuild your Casa and we will throw in a few extra pesos so that you can buy yourself a sick new beach house bro! Deal? Cool!”
See that is how it should be done.

Anyhow this Spaz Cat moment was brought to you because I endured my third freaking paper cut today on a particular case which I know I am going to spend long hours on and it will probably settle the day before. I mean I have been drawing my own blood for this case. Today's paper cut was the mother of all paper cuts! It was in between two fingers. You know where I am talking about that skin that connects the two fingers together. Uh huh! Love it!?? Yup. I know you are cringing right now. While I am thinking about it, we should add this to the list of punishments used for a hostage of war. We need some information out of them. We strap them down to a chair and shine a big ole light in their eyes. They do not give us the answers we need so we take a good sturdy piece of paper and slide it right through the middle of their fingers. Ew! I bet we would find Osama before they got to the index finger! Take my word. I have involuntarily endured three in the last day and I am ready to tell ya where that nut job is located. Whoa. Okay. I jumped tracks here and not really sure what direction my blog train is heading. Anyhow, toodles to all my loves out there!

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Love ya!!!