R-I-P Godzilla the Godfather Spider

Holy Smokes!! I almost got ate by a freaking big ole fat juicy spider last night. I am not really sure who was more scared when we met up with each other me or him.



There I was going to finish up one last load of laundry. I opened the door to the laundry room which is this small built on room between the garage and the kitchen. When I did this freaking monster 100 eyed hairy @ss F-N spider came flying under the door into my kitchen. We made eye contact or should I say his 100 eyes made contact with my two eyes and I found out that I can do an amazing back flip onto the counter top when needed. I screamed bloody murder and I am pretty sure he screamed bloody murder. He ran around in a circle for a minute. I could just hear him saying "Hollllly f*ck! That crazy bitch is about to smash me." After about a minute of him running in circles and me randomly screaming to the top of my lungs and curled up in my dish drain on my counter top I noticed my can of ant spray on top of the fridge which was on the other side of Godzilla the spider! Uggg! Really! So, I hopped down into the furthest corner from him. When I did he freaking took off for microwave shelf! Oh no you do not!!! Al-be-damned if you are going to slip into some dark corner in my house only for me to find you again in my bed later!!! Now, this was serious business. It was a race against the spider. Two legs against eight! I had to get that can and spray that hairy little b@stard before he hid from me. He knew it too. "Oh my gaaaaaaaaaad, oh my gaaaaaaaaaadddddddddd!!!!" It was a close call but I got him. The whole time I am spraying I am screaming and jumping in place. As if when I sprayed him he was going to jump in my face and bite me!! I know if you were watching this you would have peed your pants. Finally he rolled into a ball and he was dead! I mean he looked dead. I am hoping he is dead. I went back to the furthest corner of my kitchen and stared at him for a while. I was making sure there was not the slightest movement! The next chore was the get a napkin and flush him to grave! Yeah, sounds easy enough. Nope. Really took me a while to get the guts up to pick him up with the napkin. I expected him to do a Jason – Friday 13th return and get me in the end. Anyhow, after about five minutes of pep talk to myself I finally got the nerve and scooped him up with a napkin. While sprinting to the toilet one of my hairs fell out of my pony tail and touched my neck and of course I screamed and threw the freaking napkin with dead spider in the air and went running into my living room. Eventually I got it together and flushed that freaking nasty ewwy gooey yucky freaking nasty FN creature!! I have the goose bumps now just thinking about it!