Thursday, October 9, 2008

Looney Tooney

I am not sure if my Canadian Bacon's behavior lately has been a pay back of sorts. You know, the what goes around comes around moment. The thing your parents tell you that you will get in triple fold one day but it really does seem like it. All of a sudden my child has become possessed with evil. Has the ability to throw fits that you can literally see the steam coming out of her ears, her eyes turn fire red and her head begin to slowly spin around. Often it is unwarranted and sometimes without reasoning. She screams for something, I give it to her and she throws it at me. Of course she is still screaming at me. She wants to take a bath. I put her in the bath and she decides she does NOT want to take a bath two seconds into it. She will then start throwing the shampoo and conditioner bottles at me. Yeah, like she is seriously trying to physically harm me. What have I done to this kid? So of course, I quickly and gently JERK her out of the bath. Then she starts spazing out like she is having seizures and screaming to the top of her lungs!!! Do not forget about those freaking ham hog legs which she is slinging at me full force. Do you know how hard it is to grab a hold of a raging slippery wet toddler? What the hell is going on? I think we are getting close to the terrible two's which is a complete understatement of her current temper tantrums. I mean I realize that her gene pool consists of me, a hot headed - southern raised and F-Bomb throwing chic and her father, a huge Canadian professional hockey player who enjoyed slamming his fists into peoples' heads for a living but COME ON NOW. That does not mean that our DNA combined should create a miniature Tasmanian DEVIL. A nudist loving Tasmanian devil at that. Not only does she throw unexplainable irate fits but lots of time it is in the nude. I cannot keep her clothes on her anymore. She is constantly ripping of her shirt, pants and diaper off to run freely around the house. She gets highly frustrated at things when she cannot open them or cannot figure out how to make them work. The other day, she was trying to put a diaper on her baby doll. She apparently was having some issues figuring out how to velcro the sides together. All of sudden she picked up the baby and put it in a full nelson!! She then slung the poor battered baby across the room. She was screaming in baby jibber language this whole time. Pretty sure some of it should have been bleeped out by the language censoring people. She went freaking loony on me!! Oddly enough all of a sudden the fit stopped and she looked at me and smiled. Kind of scary. Kind of makes me sleep with one open at night. Really, I am a bit afraid of this kid. I do not remember this with my other two. What is going on!!!?? Someone please help me. Right now as we speak, she is throwing a huge fit over not being able to put her shoes on. She has knocked over the chair and slung one shoe into the kitchen. Wow. This kid has some anger issues. If anyone needs me, I will be hiding in the closet. I think that is the safest place for me right now. Worried she might decide to body slam me next. We do not call her the Canadian Bacon for nothing.

Tiptoeing away!!!


Joyce said...

Oh man!! Are you in for it!! She's not even 2!! Just wait till she's 16.

thedailydish said...

And her photo looks so INNOCENT. Yeah RIGHT!

Been there babe. These kids. No rhyme or reason at all. You have one and think you're ready for anything the next one will throw at you (literally). But you never are. I think God has a REEEEEEAAAALLLY good sense of humor.

Hang in there!